Your Love Burns Within Me With Fire And Fury
by LetMeWalkTheEarthWithYou
Summary: Warning: Spoiler up to 6x10/ ANGST/ - Maybe they will get married after all. Who knows? She could wear a black dress instead of a white one. Or even one in bloody red. Wouldn't that be nice? She shakes her head laughing, before leaving the younger woman behind.- / DARK


**Disclamer: I own nothing, everything belongs to their rightful owners.**

**Warning: Spoiler up to 6x10 / Dark and Angsty, but my birthday is coming up tomorrow and that always gets me in a weird mood.**

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**Your Love Burns Within Me With Fire And Fury**

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Teresa Lisbon isn't a good liar. She never was. And the truth in her eyes gives her away everytime she tries lying despite her better jugement.

_"Honest eyes",_ that's what Sam called them once. And he was right. (She knows).

.

Her father knows she's lying to him when she tells him she didn't toss away his stuff. It's her own fault he grabs her roughly, it's her own fault she's flying right through the living room door a second later. _(Glass piercing her flawless skin)._

_"It wasn't your fault"_, is what the nurse at the hospital tells her later. "_You just did what you thought was best." _

And maybe she's right, but Teresa blames herself anyhow.

.

Her brothers know she's lying when she tells them their father killed himself accidentially while he was loading his gun. _(He was a fireman, Reese. Not a police officer, remember?)_

They scream at each other for the whole night and she blames herself again. (She'd been the one telling him to go and shot himself in the first place).

It doesn't really matter that she never meant it the way she said it.

.

Instead of lying, she's running to get out of her engagement with Greg. Because telling him the truth simply isn't an option. It would break him and she would blame herself again. _(And she really has no time for being depressed)._

She runs as far away as she can get. Hoping she'll never have to see him again.

.

When Sam needs her to lie for him a few years later, she does the same. Running away and praying no one is going to come and ask her. _(And she gets lucky, no one ever does)._

.

With Jane everything becomes different, there's no way lying to him. No way hiding anything from him.

He looks right through her. And she hates it. But when she realizes what he does, what he's truly capable of - it's already too late to run. (She'd already been falling for him).

.

At first it's just a crush. Nothing serious, nothing to worry about. (At least that's what she keeps telling herself for years). Ignoring those rumours, those looks her colleagues give her.

_"You're sleeping with him, aren't you?"_ (I wish I did).

_"He's closing cases? Is that all he is?"_ (No, he isn't).

_"Are you in love with him?"_ (Yes, I'm).

But it's not like she could tell him that or anyone else for that matter.

And Jane knows anyway, doesn't he?

.

She knows for sure she's fallen in love with him, when he disappears for six months. She can't sleep, can't eat and leaves him a million voice mail massages. (Begging him to come back home).

And she's just about to break, when he shows up on the bench behind her in a church. (A church, really?)

She should be mad at him, for leaving and for lying. For breaking her heart. But she can't. _(Far too afraid he's just going to disappear once again)._

_._

_Love you,_ is what he tells her while pointing a gun against her head. (But he takes it back). Acting like he doesn't remember, knowing she won't say it out loud either.

They get even closer after that, that thin line between them vanishing completely. And sometimes it scares her, because she knows one day he's going to leave again. Maybe forever then.

And there's just nothing she can do about it.

But even though she knows better, she keeps standing by his side till the bitter end. Keeps fighting until there's nothing left. _(Not even getting the chance to tell him goodbye)._

.

Teresa Lisbon hadn't been a good liar. Not even as a kid. Not until she met Patrick Jane and he taught her how to do it. How to hide the truth behind her beautiful face.

_"You have honest eyes",_ that's what Sam told her once. But they no longer are. (Or maybe he was wrong after all).

.

She gets back on her own feet like she always did. She's not some helpless woman. (She never was). She's a goddamned cop after all.

She survived losing her mother and her useless father, as well as three brothers who hate her with a burning passion for everything she's done.

And some con artist won't break her. Right?

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She starts working as a police chief in a little town and her work there has nothing to do with what she did in Sacramento. But maybe that's a good thing. (Maybe it is).

She spends her evenings alone on her couch in her living room. Thinking about him. _(Drinking herself to sleep)._

And yes, there are days she wants to end it. Wants to get rid of her own depressing life. And it's not because of him, no of course not. It's because everything that kept her going is gone. And no, she's not talking about him. (She really isn't).

.

She gets letters. Hundreds of letters. Blank paper that smells like sunlight and the ocean. _(Seashells and a bottle of sand).  
_

And she knows he send them for her. Knows that he's still thinking about her. Wherever he is. Whatever he's doing.

She keeps them stashed in her desk drawer at home, even though there's no point in hiding them. (It's blank paper after all).

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One day he shows up out of nowhere. And she's not even surprised. (She always knew he would).

He wants her to come back with him, wants her to work for the FBI as well and she can't help but laugh. Telling him no. _(No way)._ Not now. Not ever. She's not going to do this all over again. No, she won't.

He looks lost. Broken. And it makes her furious.

What the fuck did he expect?

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It's Cho who brings her to her senses later that night. She's sitting on her porch in the freezing cold, staring into the distance. _(Far too drunk to care)._

When he tells her Jane's going to prison if she's not coming back. That he refuses to work for the FBI without her.

And she should be angry, she really should be. But she isn't. She's annoyed. (She saw it coming the second he showed up on her doorstep this morning).

And once again she doesn't even have a freaking choice. (And yet, this isn't even about her)._  
_

.

She packs up her things and leaves her new found sanctuary only a few days later. Ending up in a nice office, with an FBI badge in her jeans pocket and a gun in her desk drawer.

Everything a little bigger, brighter and dearer.

Jane's lying on his couch at the other end of the room, rambling about their first case together. And it's almost like nothing ever happened.

(But it did, didn't it?)

_._

They're closing cases. Keep bantering in her office. (Laughing and smiling together). And it feels good. And she feels fine. _(Yeah right, what a fucking lie)._

The truth is, she isn't fine and she most likely never will be.

She's only fooling herself with that and she's fooling him too and it almost seems like he lost his touch. Or maybe he just pretends too._ (She doesn't really care either way). _

It doesn't feel right and she's not sure what she's doing there in the first place. She wants to go back, back to being a chief. Sitting behind her desk in that sunny office for the most part of the day. Talking to grade schoolers about police work and waving them over the street on their way to school.

She's done hunting serial killers, done dealing with monsters. _(Done saving his life)._

But everytime she packs up her things, trying to leave him - she just ends up with her hand on the door knob. Unable to move.

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She get's mad when he starts dating this women. _(What's her name again?)_ And she can't believe he's serious._ (12 years and now he's dating someone else?) __(Oh, what the hell!)_

They're on their way to a crime scene when she snaps. She's not sure what it is. Maybe the way he's talking about _her, m_aybe it's the way he's talking to her or maybe it's because he's talking at all.

She gets the car to a sudden halt at the side of the road, grabbing his face with both of her hands and crushing her lips hard against his. _(Showing him what he'd missed all those years). _Showing him what he's missing by not taking her now.

And she has him straddled in the passangers seat a moment later, that crime scene completely forgotten. (And it's not like their victim could end up any deader, right?)

They don't talk about it. But he dumps that women before the day is over and she's sure he's not going to date any other women ever again.

(They're both too fucked up for a sane person anyway).

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He takes her on his couch in the office a few days later and again on her desk. And in his car, followed by the backseat of hers. In her kitchen at home, in the elevator and in the stairwall. (Heating up the office gossip). But neither of them willing to care.

It's Grace who asks her if they're going to get married at a birthday party and Teresa lies. (Yes, of course) One day. Sure. Even though she knows they won't. And she doesn't want to either.

Maybe they will after all. (Getting married, I mean). Who knows? She could wear a black dress instead of a white one. _(Or even one in bloody red)._ Wouldn't that be nice?

She shakes her head laughing, before leaving the younger woman behind in the search for another glass of champagne.

.

She's not sure how she ends up on the ground with a bullet in her chest a few weeks later, not sure why she isn't wearing her vest in the first place.

Did she forgot it on purpose? Maybe, maybe not. Maybe she'll never know. (And it probably doesn't matter anyhow, because she's dying).

At least that's what she's hoping for. _(She is dying, isn't she?)_

There's blood spilling from her mouth and she can' t breathe. Pain spreading though her body like a fire, making her limbs go numb. She should be afraid. Terrified.

But she isn't scared of dying. Not anymore. (It would be such a relief).

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She doesn't die. Of course not. _(As if she could leave him behind)._

She wakes up in the hospital, Jane sitting at her side and holding her hand. It's what she always wanted, right?

No. Maybe. She isn't sure.

She keeps looking at him, listening to his babbling. (And she just wants to run). As far away as possible. But she can't even sit up without his help.

(And running is out of question).

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She stays. What else could she do?

And she's doomed anyway.

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**Disclamer: I own nothing, Everything belongs to their rightful owners.**

**AN: ********Again thank you to everyone who takes the time to read/review/fav. one of my stories. I'm really grateful for that. And a special thank you goes to my Beta Reader guineapiggie!**

**********Title was taken from the song Fire and Fury by Skillet**


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